It was the fall of 2014—less than two months after my wife died.
I wanted to get away to process things, and settled on Cedar Springs (just across the border near Sumas, Washington) as the perfect place.
My goal was to read through the entire New Testament and pray over the course of two days, hoping to meet the Lord in some special way. I figured I’d have to read 31 pages an hour to read from Matthew 1 to Revelations 22.
It was off-season at Cedar Springs. Very quiet. “It was so quiet I could hear my heart beating as I read,” I wrote in my journal.
When something impressed me, I wrote it down. Like the story in Matthew 26:12-13 where a woman poured precious ointment over Jesus’ head, and the disciples were indignant at such “waste”. Jesus told them, “Wherever this gospel is preached in the whole world it will be told what this woman has done for a memorial of her.” It struck me that Jesus takes note of our acts of worship.
In Mark 6:49-52 I read about how amazed the disciples were when Jesus walked across the water to their boat. Jesus had just fed 5,000 people with five loaves and two fish. But the disciples didn’t understand the significance of that because their hearts were too hard to take it in. “Wow,” I thought. “Do I, due to the hardness of my heart, fail to take note of the amazing things Jesus does today?”
On my last day at Cedar Springs I was feeling a bit disappointed that I hadn’t had any earthshaking revelations. Actually, I was feeling a bit of a failure for not being able to keep up to my reading schedule. I only made it to Luke 20! But this entry in my journal tells me what I discovered…
“In my anticipation of this time I found my hope rising that I would meet Jesus in a special way. I was not sure what form that might take. So I read and prayed and walked and read some more. But nothing out of the usual happened.
“This morning, on my last day I knelt by my bed to commit this day to Him. THAT was when my profound moment happened. God impressed on my heart that He was here all along.” As I ate breakfast I listened to Brian Doerksen’s, “You Are My Home”. “You are my home, my one true home. I am safe within the shelter of Your love.” To know that truth and to feel it—now, that’s profound.
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This quiet moment calms the stress I have been feeling lately with all the changes in the life of my husband and myself. Thank you for sharing – it gives me hope and reassurance.
Thanks for sharing from your heart, Alannah. So sorry to hear of the stress you have been experiencing. Life can be so hard. But God is greater, and can give strength for the day.
I have a copy of Christmas with Hot Apple Cider and was rereading it this past Christmas season. Your story ‘Three Christmases I’ll Never Forget’ got me wondering about a boy that was in my class in Grade 7 & 8 at Central School, here in Guelph whose name was Bob Bonikowsky. I am curious to know if this is your brother. I have lived in Guelph all my life so I could picture in my mind the places you talked about in your story. Looking forward to your reply.
Hi, Catharine.
Yes indeed, Bob was my brother. He was 4 years older than I, so I was still in Torrance School when Bob attended Central. Unfortunately, Bob passed away from non-hodgkins lymphoma in 2000 at the age of 59.
Thanks for reaching out. Always good to hear from a citizen of Guelph!
Bill Bonikowsky